The Funeral
by Cordis-Mensis
Summary: The last time she saw him was the wedding. The first time she saw him was at the funeral. No major character deaths. Castle/Beckett. VERY ANGSTY and some sexual content. reviews are greatly appreciated.


a/n: another personally inspired piece in which Castle and Beckett have an established relationship in the future. Warning: some sexual content and very angsty.

The Funeral

The wedding was the last time she saw him.

Two days before the wedding, Kate had called it a night early. Martha was at her studio late to rehearse a new play and Alexis was having a girls night at her friend Emily's place. For the first time this week, it would just her and Castle and God knows she could use a distraction; a rugged, charming, arrogant distraction.

The case sitting on her desk hit Kate close to home; too close. The victim had a daughter who was fifteen years old, the same age she was when her mother was killed and just like her mother's case, there was a very good chance that there wouldn't be answers. The evidence led to dead ends, Castle's wild theories led them to dead ends. The killer had been too careful, too meticulous.

Kate remembered standing her place and watching as Detective Raglan shook his head at her and her father. No closure. She knew what was coming. No matter how hard she tried to resist it, she would blame herself for the lack of answers. Hoping to delay this she packed up and left to Castle's.

Castle's place had been quieter than usual with both Alexis and Martha gone. "Rick?" His name echoed off the empty walls. She had found him browsing through the newest New Yorker in his office. His feet were propped up on his desk and he peeked over the magazine to look Kate in the eyes. Though the magazine shielded his mouth, she could tell from the crinkle forming around his sparkling blue eyes that he was smiling.

"Kate. You're home early."

"You upset?" She asked playfully.

"Never." He put the magazine down carefully and wiggled his finger 'come hither', beckoning for her to join him.

"You going to ask me to come over there?"

He contemplated for a minute before asking very seriously, "Kate, will you please come over here." She smiled, sliding effortlessly into his warm lap. Her arms entwined around his neck and she sighed, happy for the escape. He leaned in and kissed her running his tongue across her lower lip before pulling away.

"Long day?" He asked, breaking the silence.

"Yeah. I don't want to talk about it." The kiss and the rug burn from his stubble left her lips tingling and wanting more. She leaned in for another kiss and another and another. Soon another became the clink of his belt on the cold hardwood floor. Clothes joined soon afterwards.

"Kateee." Castle moaned impatiently as she teased him and slid her tongue into his mouth nipping at his bottom lip playfully. "You're horrible." He sighed into her tangled brown hair.

"Really?" Kate pulled away briefly and let her hands trail south.

"Really." He mumbled barely audible. Unwilling to wait any longer, he slipped his hands under her and grabbed her, hoisting her up. She hooked her legs around his waist and looked down at him.

"You have some nerve." She whispered while Castle kissed and licked the skin on her neck. She threw my head back a bit and suppressed a moan threatening to paradise soon disappeared just as fast as it had appeared. Kate was slipping from Castle's grip so naturally he had slipped a hand out from under her to reposition. He hit a flat screen television mounted on the wall and it flashed on unexpectedly at his touch.

All of a sudden his eyes went wide and he nearly dropped her. The one hand holding her up wavered and his eyes met hers trying to hide the fear that she saw just moments ago. She looked at the television screen and found herself looking at a fancy version of a murder board.

She recognized her picture and her mom's picture. She looked at him. She watched as he tried to read her face for anger or sadness, but all he found was confusion. Kate found her footing and looked up at him, speechless. "You've been working on my mom's murder."

"Kate. I can explain."

"What's there to explain?" She tried hard to keep her tone calm as she scoured the room for a shirt to throw on. She could feel the tears filling up her eyes and blurring her vision. Castle was silent. For a supposed master of words he was silent a lot. She could tell that he was scared, but she didn't care.

"I needed to protect you."

"Protect me? Bullshit. You went behind my back. You lied to me. You betrayed me." She felt the anger inevitably creeping up on her.

"I didn't betray you." He said quietly.

Kate could no longer contain her hurt and her tears began spilling over her cheeks. He took a step in her direction, but she glared at him and he froze. "Were you going to hide it from me forever?"

"No."

"When were you planning on telling me then?" She shot back at him. He ignored the question.

"I did it to protect you from it."

"How could I be so stupid?" She asked herself. With those words, he collapsed onto his chair and buried his head in his hands. Kate was shaking like a leaf and her vision was giving out. The room was spinning and she was trembling, but she refused to fall. "There's nothing to explain." She said again, breaking the silence that swallowed the room.

She had secretly hoped that Castle had an explanation. She wanted him to have an explanation. She wanted him to break the silence and prove her wrong. "I..." He began, but it was as far as he got. She waited and waited, but he said nothing.

The clock on the wall ticked away. Minutes passed. "Kate, say something."

"There's nothing to say." She got up, got dressed and walked out of his apartment. Her head was pounding and her ears were ringing. She walked down the stairs, skipping the elevator ride, and walked into the cold. The cold wind hit her face dampened by her tears and harshly returned her into a grim reality. The sounds of the city encircled her. In a city of a million people, Kate felt alone.

–

Saturday was the wedding.

Lanie had wanted a winter wedding, so she got a winter wedding. Kate hadn't told Lanie about the incident fearing that it would ruin her best friend's special day. She tried her best to look happy in her dark blue maid-of-honor gown, but when she thought no one was looking, her face would succumb to the hurt she felt.

She couldn't tell Lanie. "I'm going to go check on Espo." She told her best friend and slipped out of the room. She wasn't really going to check on him because Richard Castle, whom she hadn't spoken to since that night, was in there with him. She just needed some air and some time for her facial muscles to relax before the ceremony.

"Beckett, you alright?" She recognized the voice as Ryan's.

"Yeah. I was just...getting some air. Feeling a little bit queasy." She put on her most convincing smile, but she knew that Ryan didn't buy it.

"Yeah. This wedding stuff can be pretty overwhelming. I'll bet the woman's dressing room smells like hairspray and perfume. It's a miracle that your'e still alive." Ryan mused, playing along.

She smiled. "Well. Miracles happen."

"They do. I gotta get back to Espo, make sure he's not having a mental break down in there."

"I should get back too." Kate replied.

"But if you need anything. I'm here." She managed to squeeze out a 'thanks' before vanishing back to Lanie with a report on her soon-to-be husband.

The wedding was simple.

Nothing too fancy. A few close friends and family. Everything in white. She managed to avoid Castle until the reception when she bumped into him carrying to champagne glasses over to Ryan and Jenny. She looked at him, and looked away. They didn't exchange words. He saw all the hurt in her eyes and couldn't open his mouth, fearing that he would only hurt her more.

That was the last time that she saw him.

–

The first time she saw him was at the funeral a year and a half later.

Agent Will Sorenson had been killed in a high speed chase and Castle attended the funeral service. Men in uniform occupied most of the white fold-out chairs. Kate spotted Castle in the crowd. He was wearing the customary black with a black tie to show he was in mourning. A wave of unidentifiable emotion washed over her, but quickly passed when she remembered that this day was not about him and not about her.

Kate stood on the podium to make the eulogy speech. It was spring and the snow was just beginning to melt; the sun trying to break through the layer of clouds in the sky. Green grass coated in a layer of morning dew and frost peeked through the thin patches of snow on the ground.

"Will was a good friend." Kate began. "He believed in a lot of things. He believed that a person who feared death was afraid of life. He was certainly not afraid to live." She unintentionally made eye contact with Castle who was looking straight at her. "Nothing I say will capture the man he was. I wish I could though because he deserves so much." Castle stopped paying attention to the words coming out of her mouth. He was too busy fixated on her dark, watering eyes and the single tear rolling down her cheek as she spoke.

He couldn't help but think to himself what he could have done differently. What he could have said. He knew though, that no matter how many times he went back and replayed that night in his head, the answer would be nothing.

"We all make choices." Castle snapped back into reality. "Will made a choice to give his life up to better others and this choice, he truly believed in more than anything else. He taught me that we must live with the choices we make and we must take them with us until the very end."

Kate had made a choice. She had made a choice to walk away and maybe one day she would find it in her to come back. Maybe one day she would change her mind. But today was not that day.

When her speech was done, and the ceremony had ended she and Castle were the only two left standing. She looked at him, and almost smiled – almost. He looked at her, his eyes tired from lack of sleep. He didn't smile back.

He walked in her direction and she walked in his. He contemplated telling her her was sorry for her loss, but he decided against it. He walked past her, his coat brushing her hair. She walked past him and looked straight ahead.

She had made herself clear; she wished for them to pretend they were strangers. It's strange that once they had known all of the others' hopes and dreams. They knew each others' fears – they shared a life. Maybe one day they could start all over again. She would say "Hi, I'm Kate Beckett, nice to meet you," and he would say

"I'm Richard Castle." She would make some snide remark about his novels, and he would laugh. But some wounds take longer to scar than others.

Miracles happen, but not today. Today at the funeral they walked right passed each other. Neither of them said a word to the other. Neither of them stopped. The suns rays had triumphantly broke through the stubborn clouds. Birds chirped, welcoming life in a place of death.


End file.
